3.30.2008

3.25.2008

fun-e txt msg...

I hope u arent upset that i didnt call. I thought u were gonna call me.
If u like, lets get dinner tomorrow. My treat. I hope u like mcdonalds.
;)

3.23.2008

some people...

...its funny how some people never change

...its funny how you think some people have changed but you were just blinded to who they really were in the first place

...its funny how some people become your closest friends and you never wouldve thunk that back in college

...its funny how some people do change and you wish you could tell them that you miss them, but you cant because you cant stand who theyve become today

...its funny how you feel so much closer to the people who live far away but feel so distant from the people who are close by

...lifes funny
...laugh with me

3.20.2008

"don't hate the world, just recognize it..." --terry b.

3.19.2008

happy birthday, joe!

3.13.2008

happy birthday, mommy!

my mom and i...
...tagaytay, philippines

3.12.2008

crave

im so craving it right now...
havent done it since early jan...
gawsh, what is wrong with me...
but if i do it, i wont be able to breathe...

3.11.2008

P.J.'s pictures from Sharon's 27th Birthday Party @ Bon V.

presetting at my place...
...me, paul, pj, sharon, fatima, juvy


all smiles...
...me and paul


oldies and youngins...
...jerome, me, jason, fatima

3.06.2008

go away...

To: You
From: Abby
...you just won't last
...you're so fu©king rude and selfish
...you pull away when I give in
...your priority is always your needs, your desires
...you like to think you're never wrong
...you taught me lessons that were never true
...you're a drama queen
...you end up getting hurt again
...your thoughts of failure sink in
...you start asking me about things that you want back from me
...your walls are closing in
...you trust nobody and live in loneliness
...you used to be strong
...you're so afraid that you're out of touch
...you confuse what is really real
...you want someone to hurt like you
...you’re so close to me but you’re still so distant
...you love the way I look at you while taking pleasure in the awful things you put me through
...you run away and never say goodbye
...you're too much to take in so i can’t hold on
...you take the best of me...go away

3.05.2008

west loop'ed...

...a new section on the right hand side
...places that im experiencing with family and friends
...'most recently visited' at the top

3.04.2008

1, 2, 3, breathe, breathe...

...is what i was chanting in my head last night.

its been almost 2 years and i decided that last night i would break that. i walked over to my old building and headed up to the top floor -- my company's fitness center. i dont know my locker number but i just know its exact location. i dont know my locker combo but my fingers did some walking and it opened. theres a security code on the women's locker room door and i seemed to know how to open that too. so im picking a big locker and thinking in my head "i hope no one checks me out while im undressing". next thing you know, two women are there with me. god, i kept telling myself that they were just looking at my tattoo and not my fat. i got dressed, peed, got my headband and turned left to go towards the cardio area. 8-10 treadmills and 3 of them were already occupied by runners. i got on and walked for a minute at 3.0 then increased it to 7.0. i almost died. i brought it down to 5.0 and finished my 1st mile at 12 minutes. next stop was the elliptical machine for 10 more minutes of cardio. i was watching "my dad is better than your dad" at the same time so that was a nice way to focus my attention. i tried to cool down by walking on the treadmilll, but i got really light headed and my knees gave out. i was by myself and figured i could pass out and no one would be there to save me. so i hurried over to the sit down bike and cooled down for 5 minutes. i chugged some gatorade and got dressed. walked out the building and walked home. i had heels on and it took me 15 minutes to get home. this was my first walk home from work so it was nice. pretty cold but i found a marial arts studio a block east of me and im thinking of taking kickboxing classes again. kickboxing is fun and is definitely more interesting than running on a treadmill. i finally made it home and said hi to doorman anthony. got my mail and headed up to my unit. changed to my pjs, did some laundry an called home. then i made a spinach salad with strawberries and cherry tomatoes. yum. then ate more strawberries, watched some king of queens and passed out to 103.5 kiss fm. i woke up the next day and no pain...woo-hoo!

almost forgot to close the loop on this. but my title refers to my breathing pattern. breathe in 3 steps, breathe out 2 steps. when you breathe out, you strike the ground harder. this pattern allows you to hit the ground with alternating feet. at first, it was hard to get used to but now, its natural. before i would feel a lot more muscle pain in my right foot but now my feet is sharing the pain. hah.

i did want to include what i was thinking about while i was running. theres so much going on with my family and my friends and my work and my lovelife. ive come to terms with some people and ive discovered new things with others. revelations you can call them. ill share tomorrow or whenever.

pre and post running is so routine. but i love the in-between part. i love running, just getting to the fitness center is the hardest thing for me to do. running lets me relax and lets my mind wander. ill share soon.

3.03.2008

couch

i got definition #1...
...yipee!

–noun
1. a piece of furniture for seating from two to four people, typically in the form of a bench with a back, sometimes having an armrest at one or each end, and partly or wholly upholstered and often fitted with springs, tailored cushions, skirts, etc.; sofa.
2. a similar article of furniture, with a headrest at one end, on which some patients of psychiatrists or psychoanalysts lie while undergoing treatment.
3. a bed or other place of rest; a lounge; any place used for repose.
4. the lair of a wild beast.
5. Brewing. the frame on which barley is spread to be malted.
6. Papermaking. the board or felt blanket on which wet pulp is laid for drying into paper sheets.
7. Fine Arts. a primer coat or layer, as of paint.
–verb (used with object)
8. to arrange or frame (words, a sentence, etc.); put into words; express: a simple request couched in respectful language.
9. to express indirectly or obscurely: the threat couched under his polite speech.
10. to lower or bend down, as the head.
11. to lower (a spear, lance, etc.) to a horizontal position, as for attack.
12. to put or lay down, as for rest or sleep; cause to lie down.
13. to lay or spread flat.
14. Papermaking. to transfer (a sheet of pulp) from the wire to the couch.
15. to embroider by couching.
16. Archaic. to hide; conceal.
–verb (used without object)
17. to lie at rest or asleep; repose; recline.
18. to crouch; bend; stoop.
19. to lie in ambush or in hiding; lurk.
20. to lie in a heap for decomposition or fermentation, as leaves.
—Idiom
21. on the couch, Informal. undergoing psychiatric or psychoanalytic treatment.